My daughter, Maggie, is currently infatuated with Hawaii. All things Hawaiian.
Her 8-year old enthusiasm is wonderful to behold. She’s used her saved-up-money to buy an assortment of things to decorate her room; Flowered leis, a grass skirt, she even has an inflatable palm tree. It’s very fun.
So, at the library this week, one of the books she checked out was a “Hawaiian/English Phrase Book”. She’s been going around the house spouting and translating Hawaiian phrases. “That means Where’s the bathroom?“, etc…
Yesterday, she was in the car with my wife, Jeanne, and read a phrase. Several sentences in Hawaiian. A long one. When she’s done, she says “That one means Don’t get that wet. A man was stabbed in the breast here last night.”
?!?!
Jeanne says “What?! Honey, are you reading it right?”
Well, Maggie is an excellent reader. Reading nearly 3 grades above her own. And it turns out, she WAS reading it right.
Don’t get that wet. A man was stabbed in the breast here last night.
What.
In.
The.
Hell?
Is this a common phrase in Hawaii?
I mean, I’ve never visited Hawaii, so maybe I’m not up on all of their customs.
Possibly there’s some Hawaiian thing, a local practice I don’t know about…if so, and you’re aware of it, please share.
Still…this just does not seem like a normal, everyday phrase that might come up in the day of an average tourist. I can’t even figure out what CONTEXT that freaking sentence would make sense in!! Don’t get WHAT wet? And how does that relate to the stabbing? And…in the breast? I mean, yes, technically it’s correct, but…and why are we even discussing a stabbing? Who writes these books, and what kind of day-to-day activities do they engage in that this sentence seemed like a worthy inclusion in a Hawaiian Phrase Book?!
So, Jeanne and I have spent the last day and 1/2 laughing our butts off and reminding each other to NOT GET THAT WET! THERE’S BEEN A STABBING!
Sometimes the world just makes me laugh…and make a squinty “What the hell?!” face.
Tony Caselli 
Obviously
Well, obviously, the book is meant for a tourist who has stumbled upon a crime scene. The tourist, in his/her wetsuit, is dripping everywhere, and getting close to the chalk outline of the body. And as everyone knows, the Hawaiian homicide unit has a very slow response time. So they can’t have tourists in their wetsuits dripping salty ocean water all over the crime scene. Sheesh. I would have thought you and Jeanne were smarter than that!
Re: Obviously
I knew there was a logical explanation somewhere… *laughing*
What…tha…That’s funny! They call everyone “bra” there too. I watch too much “Dog the Bounty Hunter”. Oh yeah, and the state fish is like 21 letters long!
Humuhumunukunuku Apua’a! I know that from “Carmen Sandiego!”
I’ve never heard of Dog The Bounty Hunter! Does he stab men in the breast?
You’ve never heard of Dog the Bounty Hunter? What? Do you live in a cave with no cable? It is like the coolest reality show ever! His theme is even sung by Ozzy! Who else has that?!
That’s awesome! Now I’m gonna have to check him out! With that name, and a theme song by Ozzy?! I guess I have no choice!
Haha you should have given us all the hawaiian translation. Don’t you want your friends to be equipt with such a common Hawaiian phrase?
By the way, I’ve never heard of Dog the Bounty Hunter either, so we can be clueless together.
Ooh, I didn’t think of that – I could’ve shared the phrase in original Hawaiian so you could have it in your back pocket, JUST IN CASE!! 🙂
I knew I couldn’t be the only one to never hear of DOG!
When we talked about that, I told you to post the translation, cause people were going to want to use it. It’s still funny, no matter how many times I hear it.
Dom
Yes, and the book went back before I got a chance to post it, and so I forgot all about even bothering with the translation. Besides, it’s more fun to say it in English! 🙂
I have been to Hawaii. Never heard that particular phrase. Well that I know of….I do however know how to Hula!
I took a poll of everyone in earshot, and we’re willing to pay good money to see you hula.