So much going on lately, it’s crazy. This is one of those times that you just wonder “Why? Why haven’t I won the lottery and made some bills disappear? Why did I decide to go into an industry that doesn’t pay anything, so that I can’t make any money and make some bills disappear? Why am I allowing my calendar to get so full of things?! Why does it seem as if there’s no respite in sight?”
It’s funny, I think it’s one of those things that changes as you grow older.
When you’re a kid, you think “Man, when I’m grown up I’m gonna do all sorts of things!”
Then you get grown up, and you start marking events, categorizing them as some of the “Things” that, since other people refer to them this way, you might as well call them The Things That Mark My Success. Vacations. Trips. Those types of things. You mix them in with other real life things, like birthdays and anniversaries and holidays.
And you find yourself marking time. Or, at least, I feel like I’ve found myself marking time, more and more. Time between one of these events. Time on the calendar – “Soon it’ll be Thanksgiving. Then the show opens. Then it’s Christmas. Then we’ll start work on the new show. Then our birthdays all come in that clump between January and March.”
It’s changed from when you were a kid. No longer is it “When I get older” as though that’s a stopping point. That’s not an end goal, and so often the calendar events aren’t either. But it’s easy to get caught up just marking time between them.
It feels lately as though that’s what I’ve been doing. Less multi-tasking. Less “Meta-goals”, if you will. Yes, I want to get a show up and running. But the “meta-goal” is what? To make this place as great as we can make it, and to push what we do to the limits. Or to make my family as happy and fulfilled and loved as they can be. Lately those overriding things seem to have slipped from my vision.
Why? Not sure. Lots of things being juggled at once, maybe. Not getting enough rest. Forgetting to look past this week’s To-Do List. Getting sucked into too many distractions (Hello new season of tv, Tigers in the World Series!)
I think, also, one of my biggest issues is this: I’ve forgotten to recharge my tanks. As Julia Cameron says in her marvelous books on writing, you need to “Refill the Well”:
Any extended period or piece of work draws heavily on our artistic well. Overtapping the well, like overfishing the pond, leaves us with diminished resources. We fish in vain for the images we require. Our work dries up and we wonder why, “just when it was going so well.” The truth is that work can dry up because it is going so well.
As artists we must learn to be self-nourishing. We must become alert enough to consciously replenish our creative resources as we draw on them to restock the trout pond, so to speak. I call this process “filling the well”.
In filling the well, think magic. Think delight. Think fun. Do not think duty. Do not do what you should do – spiritual sit-ups like reading a dull but recommended critical text. Do what intrigues you, explore what interests you; think mystery, not mastery.
So I’m working on that the next couple of weeks. Seeing plays, doing fun things, creating not just family time but Quality Family Time. Replenishing the “Why” in the answer to “Why do I do what I do?”
Without that “Why”, I find myself not caring about what I do, or what I do next. And by just marking time and slogging through, none of it means as much.
THE QUESTION
So, as I set about to refill the well, I’m thinking about things I want to do. Play outside in the changing leaves, visit a museum, do something science-fiction-y, just for fun.
And the question for anyone out there is this: Any thoughts on this? What do YOU do to refill YOUR well? What ‘get away and recharge’ activities do you enjoy? Recommend?
Tony Caselli 
I love this post.
I have been thinking lately, that that’s what I’m doing now- re-filling the well.
I loved my job at Mosaic, but it drained as much life out of me as it gave to me.
That’s a great question.
And I’m not sure. Based on what I’ve been doing lately?
Dorking around on the internet.
Watching “Project Runway”
Taking baths
Going for walks
reading
listening to music
If I had an unlimited budget, I would be in Greece right now. Of course, if I had an unlimited budget, I wouldn’t be looking for a job, probably!
Have fun refilling the well. You deserve it.
Thanks, Kate. Have you read Julia Cameron? She strikes me as someone you’d enjoy reading.
I know exactly what you mean about the job draining as much out of you as it gives to you! I think that’s where I am right now. Thanks for the suggestions – I’m going to throw a few of those in the mix! 🙂
Hope it’s all going well for you in Texas. Break a leg with the show!
Well I am having the same dilemma so I am not sure how much help this will be but I will tell you about this past Saturday. Eric and I decided spur of the moment that we wanted to go and visit Bloomington because we had heard how pretty IU’s campus was. So we hopped in the car and headed down. It was about an hour or so drive and along the way we saw a sign for a Cider mill about 2 miles off the road. So we headed the direction the sign pointed and ended up on this beautiful country road which ended at this cute little cider mill. We walked around, bought a pumkin and moved on. Then a little ways past that we saw a winery sign. So we stopped there. It turned out to be a beautiful winery that had great wine tasting and a neat tour. Then we headed to campus where we walked around and enjoyed the gorgeous campus and the cute town. So I guess my point is- take a little day trip with a possible destination in mind and then allow yourself the freedon to be distracted from that destination and find little gems along the way.
That sounds like a ton of fun. A nice daytrip of just wandering might be just what I need!
Sounds like you guys picked a perfect little spot to hang out! The Dexter Mill near us, that always does apple cider and donuts and stuff this time of year, just started a winery and wine tasting studio too…hmm….
Thanks Beth!
That sounds perfect-that is cool that they are doing wine now too!
Tony you must read this book. Free Play by Steven Nacmanovitch. It never leaves my possession. You will look at life and making art in a whole new way. I read from this book about 3-4 times a week. I’d loan you my copy, but It is so worn and loved and falling apart that I don’t let it away from me. But I will buy you a copy for christmas. So there.
Oh, btw. I re-charge by listening to opera, going though my old magazines and tearing out interesting pictures/images, drinking a glass of wine, or watching an Audrey Hepburn or a Tennesee Williams film, going for a good hike in the arb. I also really like the short stories of Roald Dahl (the ones for adults. I have two copies of his collection Kiss Kiss. I’ll give you one 🙂