Geez, it’s Thursday, and I’ve not written since Sunday.
Things have been very busy. Good, but busy. Lots of family stuff, lots of work.
Getting Guys On Ice up is fun but, as with most shows, there’s always a spot where you go “Wow. If it doesn’t get better, we’re gonna crash and burn. I clearly have no business doing this.” I call them the “Taco Bell Moments”, because it’s right about then that I decide that I’m clearly not cut out for a career as a director, and I should just go put in an application at Taco Bell. Everyone has these moments in a rehearsal project – they come right after a lousy rehearsal where you’re feeling absolutely uninspired, usually around or just past the midpoint of the project, where the potential is there but you’ve yet to cross over into “Oh, there’s the shape of the thing” territory. I’m usually annoyed with myself at these moments for not feeling like I’m doing enough to lift the thing off the page.
So, a Taco Bell Moment this week. Fortunately, as they usually are, it was followed with a great rehearsal and a much needed step forward in the project. Thankfully, the longer you do this, the more you can skate through the Taco Bell moments because you know that it will, indeed, get better!
Still, though, it is frustrating to have any day or series of days when you’re not feeling at the top of your game.
THE QUESTION:
So, I’m wondering:
For anyone out there reading this, whether you work as a director, musician, teacher, writer, butcher, baker or candlestick maker, what are your versions of the Taco Bell moment? And do you have a tactic for getting through it?
Tony Caselli 
Ohhhh yessss. (BTW… I have had this comment window open for about three hours now and have had at least four Taco Bell moments since I opened it.)
But seriously– the most powerful TBMs happen when I’m writing. I generally have to incubate (aka procrastinate) for a day or two, then hopefully I’ve come up with a hook to hang the review on :>. I start writing and write down the parts I’ve worked out in my head and then… usually… nothing.
Either what I thought was brilliant in my head is crap on paper, OR what I thought was brilliant in my head is just a little tiny piece of goodness leading nowhere, OR both (tiny, crappy, leading nowhere).
This is where I decide I can’t write and have never written anything in my entire life that wasn’t crap. I become consumed with self-loathing, post in my lj or play scrabble for awhile, finally convince myself just to get it over with, go back to writing, and eventually end up with something good enough that I’m excited to turn it in. I have NO idea how that happens.
I also have little ones in the customer service realm. Someone will ask for something completely reasonable and this little bomb will go off in my head for a split second and convince me that I don’t know how to do whatever they’ve requested and that I’m too stupid to figure it out.
The next second I remember that I *do* know how to do whatever they’ve asked for and am smart enough to handle anything anyone asks for. It’s some sort of self-destruction plan my brain has worked out– I have no idea why. But I catch myself just short of telling people NO! all the time š š š
And now I’m craving mexican food because you said Taco Bell.
Thank goodness I’m not the only writer who has thoughts like this. Ofcourse, Tony’s whole topic of discussion here is reminding me of that Taco Bell Year I had back in 2002. Uugggh.
It’s so funny how our minds can work sometimes, the way the creative process does what it does. Like, Is it that final “Just get it over with” that kicks it in for you, or the whole getting-away-from-it for a little while thing? Who the heck knows?! There are days when I feel like I’m riding a wave of creativity in rehearsal, everything and everyone in the room is just clicking…and then there are days where it really FEELS like work, and those are often the days that frustrate me. Of course, coming through those days and finding something that works is often the most rewarding, as well!
I go and eat at Taco Bell. Which might explain the extra jelly-roll I’ve been carrying around!
Also, I usually cry, and half-jokingly say that I should have been a dentist.
I’m trying to be more patient with myself though, and those moments. I’m a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to my work. That can be a nightmare when it comes to working with teenagers, which on certain days is akin to herding cats.
Yep, patience is one of the things that I’m finding is key – it’s tough, though, to manage the balance between patience and ambition…sometimes I want it to be perfect right NOW!
Mmmm….jelly roll…
Oh, I hear ya, man. Just went through one of those. For me, it’s a writing thing. I’ve heard the words so many times that they have next-to-no effect on me anymore. So then I go home, try to work on another project, and all I can see is bad writing. It’s not that the writing’s actually bad, but it’s the filter that’s dropped over my eyes. This is the point where I stop going to rehearsals, because I know I’ll start going cut-crazy and lose things that, in retrospect, I should’ve kept
JZ
Yeah, sometimes it’s that extra step back to see the whole picture that’s needed – and hard to take!
i’ll answer your question with a question of my own…
what if you’ve been in a “taco bell moment” for the last two years…or worse yet, what if you actually did apply to Taco Bell (not that i did, but close enough) š
I think, like most TBM’s, you have to fight your way out of it – one piece at a time.
That’s how I do it in rehearsals, anyway. It’s not an approach to directing the show, but it’s a technique for managing rehearsals and time. (this is Directing Gold, but it’s a secret, don’t tell!)
Make a list:
Each scene, each moment, has a ranking as we go through the rehearsal process. It’s either Great, Good, or Sucking. So, while keeping an eye on overall themes, flow and storytelling, you also start at the bottom of the list: Move all the things that are Sucking up to Good. One at a time, just fix each one. Then start with the Goods, and as time allows, move them into Great status.
There’s gotta be a way to apply that to your two year TBM!
Huh? Is Taco Bell hiring? If so, maybe I can escape from the buttery world of Mrs Fields…
Mmmmm….Ms. Fields….now I want a brownie…