There are root beer float ingredients in our refrigerator.

When I got home tonight, there they were.

Not only that, but there are very clearly identifiable REMAINS of root beer floats in the kitchen.

My wife and kids had root beer floats.

Why would they do this to me? Don’t they know I’m trying to be LESS chubby!

The ingredients are in there. Mocking me.

The thing isn’t even made, it isn’t even an ACTUAL DESSERT yet, and it’s calling me from the kitchen.

If I wake up in the middle of the night standing in front of an open refrigerator… You’ll know why.